After encountered many many unexpected things, i hope i really had learnt, really grow up.
Grow up after every hurt.
Grow up after every disappointment.
Grow up after every setbacks.
Learn to grow up.
Learn to step back when there is conflicts.
Learn to control my temper.
Learn to lower down the level of my curiousity.
Learn to stand in ppl's shoes n think.
Learn to tell white lies?
Learn to be more humble.
Learn to accept.
Learn to bear every criticism.
Learn to give n dun expect any in return.
I'm trying to be optimistic. But i feel like i haven make it... im way too far
I'm lost? I've lost to the "weak" side of me.
I blame~ i blame myself~ i blame myself for doing things tat made ppl xinku coz of me~
I hate~ i hate myself for being so unreasonable in the past, always expect ppl to listen to me, do wat i said~
I regret~ i regret i'm like tat~ and results in today de me~ the changes i see in ppl, in me~
I'm feeling very miserable~ very xinku~~
I'm sad~ coz i done so many err things yet my family n jie still love me so much~
I sad~ i sad coz i dun hope .............
I feel hurt~ since young till now, i always the one, ppl tend to sacrifies for the sake of other party...
Fault doesn't lies wif them, is Me...
No matter is young, or now, i'm being treated the same...
Conclusion i can tell myself is: I'm not as impt as compare to them...
No matter how much i do, also no use bah... i guess
In Sec sch...I'm being thrown alone by classmates whn i'm in trouble, letting me face the problem myself...
Being shouted vulgar n pushed by ah lian at canteen coz i accidentally step on her feet.
When i turned arn, my frenz all -poof-
Then when everything settle, thy come back find me...
Are all these my real friends ma?
Work...I'm being sacrifies, boss ignore my sickness(high fever) for her sun marketing? i rmb she ask me eat panadol, go office rest, she can't come back coz she is buying ingredient for tonite's cook. Well, i listened n accept. Eat panadol le, continue to work for 12hrs(last time retail line).
Worth it ma? I really duno...
A Friend... Sacrifies our friendship coz her other fren dislike both of us contact tgt.
Ps: There are many more incidents also, bring up le also no use... I'm lucky i'm still "surviving" today.
My life journey, encounter is alot alot, as compared to those ppl at my age grp. i duno issit i suay? or past life retribution? i met dao de ppl, all treat me really "special".
Am i really tat "kelian" which mum always told me?
Am i a nice person? Or am i actually the Most fake person, coming here write blog, write abt how kelian i'm, how ppl bully me... How angel i'm... etc etc...
Am i really this type of so called hypocrite person? hahahaha... if not, y mus god let me meet all this ppl? let me "bang, arrow shoot, head bleed, whole body wounds"? let me encounter all this to make me grow up, learnt, see the "other side" of humans huh?
SigH~To the extend, many times i can only endure le, come back home cry in my bed wif my pillow covering my face... I can say tat i nv did anything bad to them, everything thy expect, i will do de.. but y m i getting all this?
I nv wanted to be the centre of attraction. Never at all... I also duno y, why some ppl tell me thy jealous of me, coz i'm always in gd relations wif the upper management or those "power" ppl or those influencing power very strong de ppl?
I think i really need to reflect myself on this... How to be a baddie in order not to be hurt again? hahahahaa =x
Trust...
I NEVER wan to trust ppl at all, due to my past yearsss encounters, i find tat ppl are really scary... scary till i dun dare to tell them my personal things at all.
Those hi-bye friends all say that i'm like a porcupine, cold-blooded, unfriendly person... Know me many years, but they duno my real character or rather the real me.
Seriously, I'm 25 this year.
Friends i got alot... True fren? or rather soul-mate?
Till this very moment of my life, i got 2.
I really trust this 2 person alot alot...
1 i known her for almost 2years plus(since oct'07)
other one coming to almost 1year(since april'09).
Why them? Feelings... I feel their heart towards me.. they care frm the bottom of their heart, they are frank n direct to me..
(Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty. ~Sicilian Proverb)
Everything i will tend to find them, share wif them, talk to them, ask for advice... I wan to know everything abt them de, jus like my family members...
In my frenz list, nv had one, i handmade things for them... But for both of them, i actually did it.
nv wanted to buy ready-made stuff only.
I wan them to have the one n only limited edition in this world.
Till now, i'm still in contact with both of them... but of coz, not as often as before le... Although is really sad to say so, but can understand, sisters ma, eventually will have our own life de to go de, can't be everyday stick tgt, same goes for dearest parents too...
I'm glad, both of them still will keep in contact with me. I hope is forever, even my next life i also hope to mit them again, and call them dajie n erjie again...
I used to scare... Scare coz of our drifting apart, our r/s will be faded...
But now, i understand, if our r/s can't stand this small apart, or other "new factor" tat comes in n affect us so easily till we break bond, den actually we are not fated to be JM.. Correct?
Firstly i scare of r/s between me n dajie. Drift apart, coz she married, we nv worked tgt, she seldom haf time for me. But Im really happy tat, sometimes i get greetings frm her, many times is me contacting her, till i so tired also. But her simple msg, really make my tireness goes off.
Last time she told me something (4ever in her life). this simple sentence really means alot to me.
Secondly is Erjie. Same thing, drift apart, although not as far as dajie, but same lo. But her 1 word also means alot to me. i nv had a big sis before. After i met Erjie, she gif me a feeling which now i really feel tat i got a big sis le, someone who really treat me as her mei.
Dajie nv really gif me the feeling she treat me as her sis, rather, she treat me as her very best fren/soulmate. That's wat she told her frenz when she intro me.
Erjie gif me the feeling she treat me like her mei. Coz tats how she everytime intro to her frenz. and she is like anyother jiejie doting on her meimei- buying mei de fav toy, fav sweets, bring her eat her fav ice cream, n places which her mei wish to go...
But one thing i feel guilt towards this jie is, this jiejie nv scold her mei before, even her mei did wrong things...
Both jie encounter same thing wif me. I will tend to quarral wif them in sms/msn. i also duno y...
perhaps i really prefer face to face talk bah...
Other than daddy, mummy, jes, both Jies are the next closed kin to me le...
No matter how far we are, no matter how sick i'm, where will i be...
Got anything, regards good news or bad news, they will be the 1st that i will informed.
When gg temple pray pray~ i also got pray for both of them de... Hope they will always be in good health, happiness...
Dajie all the while got weak health, maybe due to in her young times, she kip gg clubbing, now health not in really gd state de.
Erjie health shud be better ba, only recently hear her gt fever, guess is due to the bad weather n her workload n not enuff rest bah...
Both of them de happiness i guess i dun nd worry so much, so far so good bah... Im jus worried for their health nia...
Haha, suddenly i think now, my hp hanging 3 keychains. Frm my 3 sisters. then my hp display pic also put photos taken with 3 sisters.
Whenever my colleagues/frenz took my hp n see, they will ask me, who are they.
Automatic i will say, my dajie, erjie n xiao mei.
then thy will @_@ at me n ask me, huh, since whn u got so many sisters de?
I say long time ago la, den thy will say, issit? y diff face?
I say ar ber then! nt blood-related mah, y mus same face wor...
hahhaha, my reply makes them =-="
I love my Parents. I love my DaJie. I love my ErJie. I love my XiaoMei.
(^v^)I love them(^v^)
I LOVE EUU. 9:21:00 PM
