Other Side of^me

? Saturday, February 27, 2010

26/Feb (Fri)
today kana say again. boss say: y docs haven upload? shud haf by now de right?
me: no ar, for meco shipments, normally spain upload fri nite or sat de ar..
Boss: can't be, go check wif spain ask them.
I jus kip quiet n do wat she requested... in the end, results expected. Spain reply me say usually upload is sat n we will send u advice once available!
zzzz. faint, my fault again. boss also gt receive d email but she nv say anything.

Today sl ask me. wat happen ar? y is she treating u like tat?
me: oh, u can see the diff ar
sl: ya lo, ytd also, y ar?
Me: i guess she not happy wif me for nt being the past me bah...(nv help her)

now my mindset is, i finish my work i got time den help her. last time de me is, i help her finish her things 1st, den i stay back do mine. i diff now, got wrong ma?
i do this she say nt urgent do others 1st.
I do tat she gt comment. i really duno wat she wan, so tired of all this.... seriously....
i kip quiet gt wrong, tok too much also gt wrong.
Or issit like wat aunty told me de, she take me for granted. I'm agree tat im not as entertaining, as cheerful, as concern as before le.... like tat i also gt wrong mah?

Have i really changed? Yes i think.... But y can't i changed? y can't ppl ask me or try to understand y i change? Changes takes time also... anyone noe y?

i think only i noe... i'm not angry, not tired wif anyone, except for myself. All is my bad.

Who dun like to laugh, who dun like to be optimistic, who dun like to live happily each day wif their frenz, colleagues, families?

I nv tell anyone details regards wat happen today except for sl. She is the witness of everything how boss treat me. After hearing wat i say, she pat my shoulder, ask me dun think so much, dun care abt her...
Lunch time i nv go wif my dept ppl. i went wif huiling n doreen.. huiling see me so quiet den ask me.... i nv say wat happen, i jus say, no matter wat, i will jus ren, kip quiet jiu hao...

Doreen see me, she pat my head(i almost wan cry le), ask me dun think so much.. huiling also say ya, dun mind this ppl so much...

Frm today sl come ask me wat happen, obviously proven tat boss kip finding fault in me. Not my fault she also will link to me :( im really really................

Today pei sl go take MRT (i take a long route hm) reach hm 8pm. No one at hm... me alone, taking out pen, scribbling my tots on my small notepad, listening to songs.
930 le, jes jus come hm, shall stop writing.....

*PS: I'm so looking forward to 2March, finally can gif pig bracelet le(2wks nv see her le). hope she will be happy n like it upon seeing tis bracelet. No matter wat happen, see u all 11am on 2March, promise... dun wry for me.... Love~*

Love~
XP, 2am

I LOVE EUU. 1:34:00 AM

25/Feb (Thur)
Early morning kana boss say. Sort of finding faults bah.. sigh~ y everytime i nv go make any mistake or wat, ppl willl always wan come find me trouble. I'm so sian. I so concern abt shipment, early morning reach office before 815am. Happily wanna faster settle the shipments things, in the end wat i get? i get back ppl "finding bones in egg" attitude towards me. Hv been doing the same thing since last time, now boss say no.
Haiz..; y ppl like to turn their words, like flipping roti-prata like tat, frm black to white, and frm white to black again. y can't thy say it n mean it.. y le... sigh~ nvm

is all my fault. their fault is my fault. my fault is my fault. everybody fault is my fault also... got to accept it i guess. I dun blame any1 at all, seriously. As long as thy happy jiu hao, other things doesn't matter..

Things are very simple actually. Jus tat humans like to make it complicated. Im one of this kind.

i have lost my laughter, my smile, can anyone help me find back?

mum say the past optimistic, cheerful me has gone.
Today doreen(finance coll) tell me: Janice ar, u seems very quiet nowadays, u got 心事?
Me: is it? haha
D: ya, diff frm lasat time, now u very quiet.
Me: hmm...
D: really got?
Me: hmmm... who dun haf wor, maybe mine takes some time to heal bah...

Sometimes i look back at my past photos, recall back the past me. i look into the mirror n realise, i really lost my smile. Where is it? I'm missing it.
Like the song: I'm missing u~~ wat shud i do~~~

i know other than my family. got 2 ppl worrying abt me. i hope i can let them be happy whn thy chat wif me, or whn thy are wif me. i wan them to see the past me, coz i noe both of them almost 1 yr. i think thy haven really seen how nice i'am in the past.
Nice meaning funny, cheerful, lame,open,optimistic... i dun like to lose. i dun wan them to wry for me, sad coz of me... dun wan lose them.
Especially tat pig, 1yr, not very long, not very short either. But seems like me n pig noe each other many yrs liao, we used to tok everything under the sun, everything we will tell each other, but now, no more le... :(
I hope we can go back to the past us... no more arguements, everyday is laughter, jokes, lame arn, as close as before or even closer bah....
Misses~

I LOVE EUU. 1:15:00 AM

24/Feb (Wed)
Incident: was slping in bus today, suddenly got ppl push my bag. i wake up see, gt a aunty sit beside me slping, then her hand unknowingly move! zzzzzzzzzz crY! y these 2 days kip got aunty come wake me up de :(

Shipment day, although busy, but i kip login n out of gmail, kiip refresh my outlook, look at blog chatbox there, see gt any emails or chat mah... Frm 8plus kip refresh till 10plus. lol
FInally i saw pig's name prompt out of my outlook, haha, pig send me a pig pic, so cute~
Issit really telepathy?
I wan chat wif her but i duno where to start. then i scare she ignore me(although i noe she wun), coz of my nitemare recently: i dream of her tat i go sms her, she ignore me totally:(
I was thinking maybe arn 10plus den email her. ask her rmb eat lunch.. lol, although i noe is a lame start. haha

today conversation wif her really make me feel gandong. No matter wats the end result, she will still treat me as her mei. even if i nv call her jie...
6more days.... I'm so looking forward....

Past days nv contact, i think we feel the same ba, seems to lack of something. I'm not used to it, gt things happen i wan share wif her, but i can only put in my heart.
Is my decision for this temp cool down period. I tot only i will feel tat, but she told me she also... Shud i be sad or happy....?

I LOVE EUU. 1:05:00 AM

23/Feb (Tue)
Incident: was slping in bus today(on the way to watch movie), suddenly got a aunty sit beside me sneeze very loud, i scare dao wake up sia... faint, i listen song also can hear n kana shock dao.. faint si wo... si aunty disturb my slp.

After work went movie wif family. True legend 7.25pm de watch till arn 9plus. Seems so long nv watch movie wif parent like tat, lol, so happy :)
After movie went kfc, also been quite a while nv eat outside tgt liao wor... wee!! happy happy. parents happy i'm happy.

Today duno y so happy.

After 4 days of nv contact wif pig, today finally gt chance email chat le. thanks to aunty. i'm so worried abt her during the past few days nv contact. Frm wat i noe, she is those type seldom open up to others abt ownself de problems de. i duno how many % she trust on me, but i hope is high bah... I learnt frm some1 tat recently pig is not her usual self, sigh~ i think more or less is relate to me huh.
Today pig told me abt telepathy. i find it quite true, tat we are quite link. Even though im not always wif her, especially tis few days apart, things we think are quite alike n link.
She ask me will there be chance she is my er jie still.? upon seeing tis, my heart suddenly feel ache. cos all these while, is me, stiring up problems n problems, arguements after arguements. not her. She always gif in to me, nv wan to argue wif me at all.
i replied her got.
All this while, i noe she nv gif up on this mei at all... **heartache**i so bad...
Aunty told me pig seems diff now le, more happy...
I'm happy coz pig is happy ^_^

I LOVE EUU. 12:51:00 AM

22/Feb (Mon)
Ytd toss n turn frm 1130-130am cannot slp...

Morning kana scare dao by a scary dream:- Jes use needle to poke into my skin den whn she took out the needle, attached to it were at least 2 staple bullets.. i was feeling very pain~
many parts of my hands n legs got alot of staple bullets pertruding out...scary -_-"

Went to blog tis morning, saw dear cry was crying... :( sayang le, hope cry don't sad le, i nv change or go away at all...
Today in office, suddenly think of something, den i took out my small pouch n see, the bracelet which i have done for her since past weeks. Then hor, i realise the whole bracelet abit slant diao sia... omg lo, i think put in my bag too long le, kana crash by other items in my bag bah... i nv take care of it...
Sigh~ i think i better do another 1 for her, i wan gif her a nice nice one...

I LOVE EUU. 12:43:00 AM

21/Feb (Sun)
today whole day at hm. 1pm start do beads. learn frm book and done 1 new design which looks like flower. quite happy i learnt dao...
Parents strike lottery consolation prize few hundreds, quite happy for them :)

Do star halfway: 7pm go take my weight. wah, i lost 2kgs neh~
After tat i went to lie on bed awhile. wan hug my baby carebear den suddenly i realise... omG baby is sick!!!
THe neck there got a long thread dangling out.zzzz sad si wo... i faster go mend it, i also duno y n since whn got a thread de, coz past few days baby is sitting beside my pillow, i nv hug it to slp, but y got a thread wor :(

Well, after mending i go back continue do my star star, wanna finish 5 stars, for my blog de, baby was sitting beside me all the while...
Finish everything arn 1030pm, watching tv now... suddenly my gum bleed, duno y sia...
slp @1130pm.

I LOVE EUU. 12:35:00 AM

20/Feb (Sat)
Went to xiuyun hse bai nian (12-2pm). Yun keep ask me wan play poker mah, i kip reject, not really got the mood to play... So jus sit there eat, watch tv, chat wif them...
After tat go hougang mall shop till 3plus den go chinatown wif sis n alvin buy beads, walk walk...
Arn 6plus 7 go down 神壇, thy gt programs there. parents were there also. 二伯爺gif angbao.. we Stay till arn 9plus den go hm.
Reach hm, i drink heinken. buy so long le still haven drink dao...
den go bedrm watch Guess show halfway fall asleep. 12plus wake up again to off diao tv =_="

I LOVE EUU. 12:28:00 AM

19/Feb (Fri)
Today in office, not quite used to it.... sigh~
Got a gd news today, sis pass her driving lic le. Parents buying food to celebrate for her.
So after work go home eat dinner, den play mj wif mum, sis, alvin.(cos nxt day no work can sleep late). play till 11pm dad take over alvin, den we proceed to play until 130am. I win $10.
After tat cant slp, went to watch Ch U. Was showing Initial D. I think watch till 2plus 3am bah...

I LOVE EUU. 12:23:00 AM

18/Feb (Thur)
Due to some reason... i told jie we stop contacting until 2 march... i dun think i say it in impulse. Even though at tat time is quite heartpain to tell her(im in bus at tat time), but i think the problem lies wif me... so i shud do something abt it... This time i dare not let my tears flow out, coz is my decision, i choose de... All my tears is flowing back inside this time rd... I nv tell anyone whn i reach hm straight... just keep quiet.

afternoon mum called me say tonite nd to go my godmum hse bai nian, coz she come back frm her holiday trip le. So after i reach hm, eat, bath, den go godmum hse. thy gif me $100 angbao.
on the way there, sis called say she saw a hello kitty tissue box cover, ask me wan buy mah, den i say orh ok, buy lo. is really nice, i keep it now, next time gt car, can put inside car le...

Reach hm arn 11plus. den go zzz... but duno y, i keep waking up in the middle of nite, many times...

I LOVE EUU. 12:10:00 AM

? Friday, February 26, 2010

14/Feb (Cny day 1)
wake up @830am. 10plus all dad's side relative come my hse bai nian. Noon time go 3rd uncle hse. I played blackjack win $10+. Arn 9pm go hm play mj wif cousin, sis, alvin from 10-2am. i win $9. Sleep @3am.

15/Feb (Cny day 2)
wake up @9am. Prepare to go 大伯hse(tampiness). Reach arn 11. After tat proceed to 5th uncle hse @Jurong. Stay there al the way. Aunt ask me help her be banker play blackjack, in the end win $50. Aunty gif me $20 saying is commission.;shy meanwhile dad was playing mj. We reach hm arn 12am. Sleep @130am

16/Feb (Cny day 3)
Morning went to 二姑hse. den 大姑keep gif me champagne ask me drink. no choice, i drink 1 cup, after awhile i was **blushing~~** lol
Arn noon time go ah sim hse, same thing, thy all playing mj n blackjack, but i nv play... stayed until 11pm den go home, coz nxt day gt work.

This few days nv really got time to rest enuff, so busy neh~ run here run there, slp late, wake up early. but is good, once in a yr nan de can see all relatives... ^_^

I LOVE EUU. 11:56:00 PM

After letting my pc rest pc for 1 week, relieve tat it can still function well, nv lazy =x
Why i nv update for the past week? coz im lazy lo... lol
but i still gt write all my things inside my small notepad. since cny day 1 till now...
not really happening/interesting at all, jus some things to write down in case next time i lost memory, at least got channel for me to remind back...

Ok i wan start posting liao......

I LOVE EUU. 11:38:00 PM

? Thursday, February 18, 2010

Er Jie give me de, i always bring it with me......

I LOVE EUU. 7:52:00 PM

? Friday, February 12, 2010

Very happy today.. mit jie go chinatown.

jie gif me a hello kitty keychain again.. tis one looks more fat, is really cute, i hang it at one of my pouch. bring it wif me...

den went the beads shop buy beads, i spend total $88.
Every $30 spent can get one 1 item at half price. den in total the beads cost arn $72, so can get 2 half price items. Then we get 2 items, 1 is bear, 1 is pig. Gif jie. Can feel she seems to like it alot :)

Then jie bring me go eat seafood. lol, 1st time eat seafood wif her. haha, she say we reunion 1st. lol, true true, jie mei reunion ;lub hope every year before cny, we can eat tgt also.. tuan yuan fan

All the while is she kip talking, lol, i seldom tok, jus listen. i duno y le, in my heart im always very happy to go out wif jie de. especially whn she tel me she wan bring me go here, bring me go there, den always got gift for me. So many times, she gave me de things, is frm her daily life, she saw de things, den i think she see dao jiu will wan buy for me.

Put it simple: she really got mei in her heart. She is always looking out for me. the way she treats me is jus like how i treat my sis. Always there...

Although today go out wif her, kip see her sms-ing, i was feeling not very gd. but think back all those things she done for me, i jus kip quiet, nv ask her or say her. Treat it i nv see anything.
Coz if for me, whn i go out wif someone, i will try my best not to really contact other ppl/sms so much. unless im bored gg out wif tis person beside me, den i will divert to other ppl. Coz nan de go out, i dun wan to multi-task entertaining other ppl who is not arn...
Issit a form of respect? or wat? i duno~ maybe is i too jealous or petty le bah...
Afterall, I jus dun wan to coz of tis small matter argue again or haf anything to make our r/s sour. i dun wan interfer ppl freedom also. Anything tat will leads to make our r/s sour de things, i will block it frm happening ^_^ Cherish mah~

Jie kip gif me things. She saw in her daily life. For me hor, i really duno wat she like... I think jie loves all the things i gave her, especially those i handmade de. So i can only think of handmade things for her, coz other than tat, she loves bear, but she got alot at hm liao... Mights well do things for her, more meaningful bah. One n only de...

Jie loves those glittering things. Lucky last time whn i firstly wan to start up my own bussiness, im going into handmade beads stuff, fashion items like clothings, etc...

Whenever i learnt dao any new pattern, im really excited, very very happy.
First thing tat comes to my mind is, wow, i can do for people~
Most imptly is, I can gif daddy, gif mummy, gif sis, gif Jie le...
Secondly is of coz, for my business lo, got another things to sell le...

Now, right now de me.. im really happy, im really contented with wat i have.
I have my family, i got jie, i got frenz, i got nice colleagues, i got shifu who teach me those beads thingy... I have many ppl dotes on me so much, loving me so much... I have nothing more to ask for le.. Im really contented, really... and i dun wan to lose anyone of them...

Now is 12am. im going to stay up the night do the bracelets for mummy n jie.
Although for jie i can only get to meet n gif her nxt week or the week after nxt, but is ok, got gif jiu hao~ Hope i can make a nice nice one ^_^

Im not sure whether tmr i will be online to write blog mah.
Shall jus write my wish 1st.

Wishes:

Daddy, Mummy, Sis, DaJie(Regene), ErJie(XY), DaGe(Lincoln), Kor(Richie), working colleagues, friends

HEALTHY, WEALTHY, HAPPINESS

BE HAPPY ALWAYS-SMILE

STAY HEALTHY

Love you all

I LOVE EUU. 10:33:00 PM

? Thursday, February 11, 2010

WoW~~~~ as i was walking home today after work, suddenly i thinking.... wah, since last sat-wed, today is the 1st day i reach home whn the sky is still bright.
lol, i so busy neh~ keep gg out for the past days.
Sat-marina, chinatown (11pm)
sun-orchard, clark quay (9plus)
mon-J8, void deck(9plus)
tue-PS(9plus)
wed-amk central (8plus)
thur-nth (6plus)

wahhahahaha,
so looking forward to tmr... gg chinatown!!! WeeeWeEE !
will there be katong laksa to eat ma?? ;lub
will my dear jie vomit blood mah? ;mua
will the beads shops i wan to go open mah? ;luv

i really really wan to faster get those materials, so badly lor.... if really nv open i think i wil be very sad :(

Pray hard, everything will goes well tmr... keke, so happy ler!
Pray hard tmr shipments will be smooth also, if not im dead, sat forwarder work till noon only, i nv work, if shipping docs were not upload by tmr, den cham liao :S

Suling go back msia today liao, 24 den come back.
today boss tel me: Janice ar, frm tmr onwards, we 2 xiang yi wei ming.
lol, den i tell boss: ya lor, i think we everyday haf to lunch in liao. den hor,stress die me, i scare shipments cope up tmr.
den boss say: i duno ler, u settle urself, i got alot to settle also.
i was like ;diao, si boss.....

**cross finger n pray everything goes well tmr**

i wan go knoonz liao~ gd net~

I LOVE EUU. 11:07:00 PM

? Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Simple day....
today left office arn 630pm bah. den went to amk central wif sis. buy earpiece n powder, pluck eyebrow.
den we pass by mac, i tel sis, i nv eat the curly fries before, duno here gt anot. in the end got! wee! but hor, not tat nice lo, so so nia, and cost me 3.15 sia :(

wah, sian sia... now my mind, kip thinking abt beads, work, beads, work....
whn i sit at my desk, i was thinking, by whn, can i really clear everything, i mean EVERYTHING.
although is not tat busy, very bored actually.

i dun wan to plan so long ahead. currently in mind i haf plan till june.
by june i gt many things need to do... got personal things, business thing, work thing.
dun wish to kip stagnant for so long. i think for the past 2yrs, i haf been stagnant, till i always say de, rot diao
now i see back, i think i really wasted my time.

ROAR, now i jus wan to do beads, gif ppl.
tats alll. the rest i dun wan to bother so much also... take 1 step at a time bah

Tired liao.. gg zzzz, gd net~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Time waits for no man~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I LOVE EUU. 11:45:00 PM

? Tuesday, February 9, 2010

today after work meet up wif qiwei. (my ex. colleague at DW). The last time we met up was July(dajie wedding). Den we went to eat long john. After tat walk arn, got 2 stores tat sell hello kitty stuff, wee!! wee!!

At one of the bigger kitty store, lvl 2, at the entrance, i saw one kitty cost arn $180. quite big de, den the eye super kawaii is like (n_n) hahahahah!! den got one smaller version de, cost arn $90.

wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, ex :(

then we proceed to another kitty store, i think on lvl 3. inside i saw something, which me n erjie saw before, den er jie got send me their pics de. omG lo!!!!

i kip thinking de things appear infront of me sia.... happily i go take up and see. omg, is really nice lor!! den i look arn, finding its partner, but sad, the sales ger say sold out liao. den i ask tis tis red one how much, she told me $30. den i say, i wan the pink also, can order mah, den she say, sorry no more le, quite limited, cannot order anymore liao. den i say ouhh~~ nvm...

She recommend me another pink color de kitty, i say, i dun wan, coz i wan tat pair..

Sigh~ nvm, slowly look arn, if not i go suntec there de arcade catch.

After shopping, went daiso n spotlight see things, i wan buy the stand for my beads accessories, but can't find it.

After tat jiu proceed to MRT le...

Then qiwei pass me a present. tis present hor, is my last yr birthday de, wah... frm last july till now feb. 7mths liao. LOL, my present rot in her hse for 7mths liao, finally today can meet out for dinner to pass me sia. Is a mouse pad wif a water cushion below, can place our wrist on it.. really cool...
1 more thing to my kitty collection ^_^

i think im really noob lor, whn im alone.. :(

today after work meet qiwei at dhoby ghaut mrt. den she reach 1st, she say she mit me at PS. den i say okok, i reach le call her. then hor, i took mrt frm tpy to dg. den hor, i duno is i toot or wat, i nv think got wat exit or wat, i jus go out frm the exit i saw lo, somewhere near the This Fashion de exit.

Then pro me, i come out of the control station liao, den i realise, er.... whhere is PS? omg lo, den i go look at the board, dun haf lo :( den i faster call sis, tel her, i lost liao... den she ask me at where, i say at this fashion de exit, den she say i go wrong side, shud go the north east line there de exit, gt direct up. i say, den i go inside again den go NEL there ar?

she say i sot. ask me go out, den cross the traffice light. den i go lo.

then i pro, i go out, i turn wrong direction, i turn left den saw park mall, den i see le so weird, i stone there awhile den see... den i realise, oHHHhhh, is on the right there, den many ppl crossing the road, so i follow them...

CrY, i so noob sia... i alone will lost diao... sigh~

if i go shopping alone, i sure take alot of time to reach hm. lolsss, cfm will lost. faint si wo.

Funny me~ but ppl arn me all know, if i call them, ask them for direction, they also wun feel surprise, cos im a noob at shopping route.... LOLsss shyyyy >.<"

tats all for today, 12am liao.. i wan knoonzz~ gd net~

I LOVE EUU. 11:02:00 PM

? Monday, February 8, 2010

Today at work so so ler, got standard thing, clear 100+ emails, record things, do 2 shipments.. nth much liao... abit sian... everyday same thing. Hope after new yr, everything will be diff bah~

After work mit up wif frances. initially she say can't mit, as she gt things on, but arn 3plus she called me ask me wan go out mah, i say ok lo. she say wan go J8 charles n keith buy voucher for her fren bday. then we jus mit there lo. Have a dinner liao, den come back amk.
Nth much to shop also.

She haf the habit of walking back hm frm interchange, which is arn 5bus stops sia. lol, whn she told me she wan walk back i O_O look at her. lol, she ask me take bus hm. but mai la, jus walk lo, treat it as a exercise after dinner.. shy.....

Reach my blk, sit downstairs, cos jes wan ask frances abt make up de skills.
i think we sit arn 1hr plus.. reach hm arn 945pm le bah.

Today i really happy. coz hor, i learnt something new today!!!!!
Today shifu teach me how to make a bracelet. haha!!! i so happy sia, can make for ppl liao, can make to sell liao, i learnt 1 new thing liao~~!!!
i will work hard, learn more frm shifu de... i wan to learn as much as i can, den i can make for ppl... seeing those ppl wear/use the thing i made, their happy expression made me feel so much satisfactory~!!!

I LOVE EUU. 10:31:00 PM

now is 2am.
faint. i wrote those 3 posts since 11plus til now.
quite tired actually. but i wan faster post it 1st, in case i STM again.

continue to say, Reach hm at 10pm. den go bath n wash hair, den immediately i on PC. nv tot of gg audi de. i jus wan to post blog le, den jiu go slp. but i suddenly thinking, wah, will my audi cpl break wif me anot, tis 2 days i online audi nv see him also. lol. i siao liao, den i hand itchy go login audi, leaving my blog webby open.
i thinking login see gt the split request anot, jiu log out. but i kaypo, go see who online
then i saw jie, jade, tomo, aunty.
wahhh suddenly so happy, thy all playing in the rm tgt neh~ den i go inside lor.
den i saw jie caption is new start. initially i tot, wah she married liao ar? but whn i go inside the rm, she told me mit her cpl. dazed huh. i stun tio.

i was thinking, where is tat LS. den my stupid brain kip thinking those kns thing, den start to so called quarral wif jie liao. i was thinking, y in the 1st place, we quarral coz of LS, she can becos of ls break her promise towards me, den now, she can break off wif ls den cpl another guy so easily..den last time quarral de things, break promise de things, hurt dao me de things, all jiu suan liao mah?
den she say me, y i hold grudges? last time i do those (invade her privacy) she also nv say me.
i really duno... i nv hold grudges towards her... i dun wan to quarral wif her especially regards audi de thing... well, i htink other than audi de things, we nv quarral before also.
today we did it again. she jus tel me wan scold her jiu scold, she wun say anything. hais... i dun even intend to scold her, n who m i haf the right to scold her also... im jus her mei, even her parents dun say her, y shud i?

Sigh~~~~~~~~~~
At tat pt jus now, i jus thinking, someone i really trusted alot alot, break promise to me in rl... Im really hurt n it really affect our r/s. She told me even if we quarral, our rl also wun change, wil be the same. den i ask her, same mah? she say ya. den she ask me i dun? i reply her no....

Sad rite? im bad rite? i also think so. but tats wat i feel. She can let the past goes, the incident which i dis-respect her privacy thing. But i seems to be so petty, kip say her abt break promise de things...
although it has affect me, but i also duno y, i still treat her as gd as before. although sometimes i selfish or petty, say mai care abt her liao, but i can't. Say nia, i can't do it.
Coz all tis while, whn im alone, she is always here to pei me. whn she noe i like tis, like eat tis, wan go where, she will try to accomodate n fulfil. Among all frenz i haf over all tis yrs, she is one tat really treat me very gd.

Im always so cong dong.. shoot things out without thinking. is my fault again. i think i can't change de bah.. ppl arn me say until wan vomit blood liao, i also same old pattern. i tot my heart can be wider de. i tried n tried, but y the results doesn't change much de....

She kip forgive n forget, im so guilty............
So sorry. i really disturbed dao jie de life liao~~
She always treat me so gd, even jus now i say her, she also nv blame me, n stil ask me go slp in a concern manner. crY~!!!!
Er JIe is always so nice to me....
Er Jie kip buy me gift, bring me go eat, bring me go places i wan to go, treat me so gd.
but i so bad~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! kip bully her...

I really dun like audition. Always hai me quarral wif jie. i really hate it
But i noe jie thru audi de.... cryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Other den erjie, no more ppl whom i can tell my things liao. Dajie put me aeroplane today... sad si wo, n i haf given up liao, she always seems so busy, 2yrs of holding on, im really really tired. is jus like a 1-way traffic... :( y am i always the one holding, y m i alway feel so xin ku. si dajie, she say after cny den mit, although now i say i mai care abt her liao, lol, maybe after cny u will see me post, i go date dajie out again. hahaha, i cheap rite? Faint.

Er jie is slightly better, but i feel we abit far as compared to the past le. i duno she gt realise anot, but i feel it. Like our everyday gt contact lifestyle, is lesser than before le... duno is i sensitive or wat, but jus feeling... im trying hard not to let go so easily. hope we can last very long bah.
For dajie i can hold 2yrs n im still holding, for erjie, i hope i can also...
I will try my best not to let go anyone of them.
Really can't bear lo...
I dun haf so many 25yrs to find another jie ;mua

Finish posting.. time now is 230am

I LOVE EUU. 1:48:00 AM

Saturday 7/Feb
Mit cong ge 3pm at ion. it has been a while since we last met.
went to eat swensen. wah, i order the duno wat. spicy like hell. i eat until my nose fluid flow out i also duno. is jes told me de. LOL, really eat until numb diao, nose fluid flow out also no feeling. faint.

Den i see the ice cream buffet. den i think of jie again. i say wan treat her go de. she say after cny den go bah. i see gt alot of toppings sia. haha, ;shy... can eat die her liao =x each person arn $18+ without main dish, i think so. if wif main dish is arn.... $12 plus? doesn't matter also.

AFter eating we went arn all those so called branded stores. jes wan see wallet. walk very long sia. i think a few hrs bah. we gt go paragon, taka see also. in the end, finally settle down on GUCCI. lol. tat wallet cost almost $500. quite nice also, worth it bah, coz of the brand n material. can use very long liao. haha, i nv in my life had such ex de wallet or bag before. jes also.
Last time i saw the furla de bag, i wan buy de, but cost arn 1k+. i think is 1yr liao. i wanted to save, but whn i save dao le, the model gone liao. ;sob
everytime whn i save dao le, the thing is gone. sigh~

After tat, we go mac sit awhile, den i wan order the curly fries de, but the person say not available liao. sadddddddddddddddddd.... i nv eat dao :( really dun haf le mah? i duno~~ ;sob
then cong ge say bring us go clarke quay there eat a ramen.
gt 2 outlets, one at central, one at liang court. den we go eat at central de.

WoW!!! really nice sia... although is spicy, but hor, not as spicy as the one i ate at swensen. lol... is really nice lo, the char siew, the meat all tat. shiok. is a jap restuarant. not ex also. we 3 go eat arn $52. really nice trying.
den i also duno y, if gt nice thing, i will think of erjie den wan bring er jie go eat. lol.
i jus love to share wif her nice things, hope nxt time can bring her go try. maybe she loves it also.

Reach hm arn 10pm.

I LOVE EUU. 1:34:00 AM

After posting tat super long outing de. i suddenly rmb, wat i done on fri.
Fri i on leave, mit up wif aunty at amk hub. jes also wif me. den we go eat the roti prata at amk hub n the anderson ice cream.
keke, is really nice. nxt time gt chance can bring jie go eat the roti prata at amk hub. coz i rmb last time i say wan bring her go thomson there eat the prata... :)

After tat we proceed to aunty hse. keke, jes wan play wif rayden. keke, he super super cute. whn i go in, he kip come to me, bring toy to me, tok to me. haha, den jes say, jie ar, he noes u lei. i say ya lor. last time i came i kip play wif him mah, tats y he noes me. ;shy

after tat i help aunty fix the audi to window mode, dn i play audi. lol, abit ps lo. nv play wif rayden, den he kip come to me, coz he not familiar wif jes initially. but after awhile he n jes was quite close liao, den he mai come find me le. ahhahaha, cute rayden.
Left aunty hse arn 7plus bah... den i reach hm arn 8plus. haha..

really happy n thanks aunty. the mango milkshake tat her maid made is really nice!!!
Hope she like the chocolates, is for tricia n rayden de. keke, nxt time gt time den go her hse play.

I LOVE EUU. 1:26:00 AM

Seriously i got STM. Thur n fri wat happen, i really forget liao. why i rmb wed happen de things coz i write it in my notebk tat time.

Now is midnite 1216am Monday. i can only recall wat happen ytd n today.
Let me tok abt ytd so called old fam outing ba.

Total gt 8ppl including me.
Inside i only noe n seen jie n kaze. the rest duno liao...
Mit 12plus at marina. i was really kj to mit new frenz actually de. i think my gut really gone diao, over tis 2yrs in admin industry.
Mit jie 1st den go walk arn at marina.

Meet up with them le! seeing them, i dun feel kj liao.. duno y~ all of them r nice ppl. funny also. i thnk among them, i tok to jie the most bah, follow by kaze. lol, the rest i duno wat to tok abt also. thy seems to noe each other very long liao...

Went to the duno wat Irish pub eat lunch? lol, i 1st time afternoon timing step inside a pub. is my first time sia. normally i go pub is nite? haha, thy really cute. den 1st time i go pub drink ice lemon tea? haha, really cute dee. my first time given to them liao ;shy
After eat, go arcade. meanwhile some of them play pool/billard.
After tat go eat swensen ice cream. LOL, think of it, i everytime go out wif jie, sure gt swensen de sia. faint, den sure gt my mint ice cream de sia. lol, faint.

Everything ends arn 6plus? den after tat jie kip say go where sia. i ask her think she say duno. i say go sentosa, go vivo she ask me for wat. ;wild
say liao she hiam tis hiam tat, nv say she jiu ask me go where. really tu xue. lol
in the end i say go chinatown see my kitty. ;shy
kaze bring us walk frm marina to chinatown. lol... think of it, everytime go out wif jie, sure nd to walk a longgggggggg way de. haha

FInally reach chinatown point le! wee, tat kaze really nice, pei us walk there.
Then we found the kitty shop, wee!! happy sia. den see gt wat special kitty things. i dun intend to buy anything de, coz kitty things is really ex. small keychain cost more than $10++. then jie saw a cow kitty, can make into hp keychain. den she ask me wan ma, i say ok lo...
i noe she wan find a keychain for me to hang on my hp. duno issit last time i told her, i dun anyhow hang things at my hp, except for dajie, her or jes de nia. the rest i dun hang at my hp. den i duno issit tat time gt hint her, i waiting for her to buy me one to hang. tats y she kip finding for me? i not sure la. but anyway, she buy me a kitty keychain. small n cutie~~ shy. i love it alot. now my hp got dajie n erjie gif me de keychain liao. 2 cows. haha. is always with me de, coz my hp seldom leave far frm me. ^_^ tats y i reply ppl sms fast. LOL shy

After tat, i find it stil early, coz is sat mah, i dun like go hm early also, go hm also nth to do. so drag jie go walk. den go buy beads. After tat i ask jie bring me go those parsa malam. cny everytime gt de.
Den hor, really faint sia. ALOT of ppl sia. faint. i c the ppl my heart pump very fast, coz i scare i lost.LOL, funny rite? but is true lor...
Actually i gt one weird thingy. if im in a mrt or bus or very crowded de area, i can't breath well. especially in MRT. coz whn everyone is standing so close tgt, i find it hard to breath properly. duno issit a sickness or wat :( tats y sometimes i prefer go the longer way.
Then whn i see those crowd, 1st thing i think is to grab her liao. haha, i really scare lost... coz wif dad, mum or sis, i auto will hold their hands whn in crowded area. lol, lucky jie noe my pattern liao if not i really kana squeeze til where liao. haha

after so many yrs, i think gt at least 4-5yrs, i nv been to chinatown de parsa malam liao (pre cny). im really happy er jie bring me go...
After "squeeze wif crowd", jie bring me go a hawker eat laksa! weee, i say so long de laksa, finally eat liao. keke... think of it, she funny la. say gt one katong laksa, den go search for some time liao, finally found it liao, BUT store close. LOL, see her expression -_-" i really wan laugh. haha, but xin ku her la, help me find the delicious katong laksa, although i nv get to eat it, but im really appreaciate. i ask her wat is tis hawker call, n she can tell me chinatown hawker?
really faint si wo. haha, she really lame~ =x

After eat we jiu slowly make our way back le. on the way back, i see those ba gua, wahhhh, all crowded de sia. so many ppl Q-ing to buy. but jie told me tis yr they nv buy, coz ex.
1kg $40plus huh. ex mah? i duno also, coz i seldom eat ba gua.

Finally reach hm le, i reach at arn 11pm. den i think jie reach arn 1130? she say her mum nag at her. i was guessing probably coz she go out whole day, den go hm late bah. n true lo, i ask her issit she go out late, she say ya, part of it lo. :(
really ps make er jie go hm late, coz i drag her go chinatown shop. i noe her mum also worried for her, coz she seldom go out whole day den reach hm late bah...

for me is diff, sometimes whn i reach hm late, i wun be surprise to see my family all go slp liao, only whn i open door den mum wake up nia. sometimes i feel i really nv think for jie bah. kip ask her go out til so late. she is always those homely person, seldom go out tat often, n late de bah.

For me, my parents gif up on me liao, lol, last time thy kip ask me dun go out late or watever, i nv care also. i jus tell them, i gg out wif frenz, wun be early, or duno wat time will reach hm. dun nd wait for me.
sometimes i will jus tel them i go drinking n clubbing wif frens, wun be hm early, earliest i think is 2am bah. lolsss... tat time i rmb, my drinking kakis hear me tell my mum so direct, thy shock also. i dun like to bluff mah, gt wat jiu say wat lo, if thy dun let me go, i also will go de. LOL, my parents really cannot tahan me... :(
thy say me until mai say liao... last time i reach hm at 3-4am(latest is 5am bah). although daddy will say abit, he will tel mummy to tell me, he nv tell me straight also. but he noe i wun care also.
i wan do de things i jiu wan. although last time i gt drink until puke like duno wat, gt incident where i tot i lost my wallet, make til my parents nd to help me wif it. thy also nv scold me at all.
Deep down, i noe their gd meant also.

Suddnely i rmb, i ask jie before. issit good or bad tat she met me?
she nv gif me a ans whn i ask her. she jus kip laugh. den i tel her i sad liao, coz if now she ask me mit her is good or bad, i will straight gt an definite ans. n my reply will be good.
in the end she tell me she nv regret knowing me. wah, i really gandong upon seeing tis.
den in my heart i was thinking. i also nv regret knowing her, but i regret quarraling with her :(

She is really a nice person overall. someone who dote on me alot. someone who gif in to me alot, someone who seldom voice out her unhappy towards me, someone who forgive n forget.
Seeing her, i kip thinking, am i really a petty person? m i really someone who hold grudges? m i someone who forgive but nv forget?
I think in many ppl's eye, yes, janice is tis type of person. thru conversation wif some ppl, i can feel which type of person in their eye. although thy wun say out, but can see. actually i dun deserve ppl kind treatment. coz i nv do well or enuff for other ppl also.
Although every relationships, i put in alot. colleagues, frenz, bgr.
ppl always remind me not to put in too much at a time, i can say ok, i wun. but i can't do it. Put in too much, if things goes wrong, the impact back will hurt alot alot...
I nv regret treating ppl gd, i nv regret trusting ppl so much, i nv regret knowing anyone, i nv regret doing anything for anyone...

I appreciate. Some ppl let me see their true colors, some ppl let me see their nice side, some their ugly side, some their innocent side, some their selfish side. i hurt ppl before, n i expect to get it back one day also. coz gt retribution de mah, i believe de.

No matter wat. i nv regret the things i do, since the 1st day, i make friends wif ppl. which is.... kindergarden? or start frm pri sch bah... i stil haf memory whn im in pri sch. Seriously, i really rmb, who treat me gd, who treat me bad, who left me alone, who pei me. all inside my mind....
every stage of my life, is clearly recorded inside my mind.
But im seriously not someone who will hold grudges. If i really do, in the initial stage, i will break off the bond le, but im really not tis type of person....trust me ;sob

I LOVE EUU. 12:11:00 AM

? Sunday, February 7, 2010

Wed 3/Feb
Mit er jie go eat sushi.
Jie bought me:
2 鮑貝. (nv tot she will buy for me, i tot she buy for her family de, cos she buy 5, n i always hear frm her tat her mum loves it. so i tot she buy so many can leave til cny. but surprise to see tat she gif me 2..)
Honey milk tea ( i seldom drink milk tea, coz i dislike the smell. but jie buy me the honey milk tea w/pearls. i go hm drink liao really love it alot. n the pearl is nice. jie say the KOI store is famous for its pearl. previous time i nv add pearl she kip laugh at me. n i drink n eat liao, is really nice.)
Honey (i nv drink honey + water before. 1st time having honey to add wif water myself. long time ago jie say wan buy for me but nv. now she bought it le. lol. i forget she told me is gd for face or throat sia. watever also, i noe is gd for health jiu hao.)

Jie kip buy things for me. really abit wasteful. now month start only, n she kip buy things for me, although she say is for my mum or family de, but i noe de... if not for me, she buy for my family for wat sia. hope she can dun spend more now, if not mth end, she no money, she dun wan go out wif me liao :(

I LOVE EUU. 11:40:00 PM

? Monday, February 1, 2010

Sorry Mummy, i made u drop tears today...

I LOVE EUU. 1:49:00 AM