? Saturday, January 30, 2010

Wee!! today is a happy outing~!

Noon time, make my way to er jie hse- give her stingray n curry (mummy's speciality). Wan to surprise her, go her hse, pass to her. Have already planned to ask mummy help me cook le, coz erjie like stingray, den i find tat mum cook de stingray not bad, so jus plan lo.

As last sat is grandfather annvi. so postpone til today lo. I think duno mon or tue i tried to test er jie see whether she gt go out tis sat anot liao.. lol. i noe if i tel her i wan bring things let her eat, she sure mai de. Bobian gt to tell her i meeting frenz nearby wdls lo.
12pm go out, reach there arn 1plus. kip call her make sure she reach hm liao... abit ps, kip call her. Afterall ok lo, pass to her liao, i feel so happy. hope er jie n family likes the food bah.. (although the stingray tis time, very spicy.. -_-" mummy put too much chilli le!) BUt i still really grateful to mummy, for helping me cook. ;shy
After tat, tgt we go to cwp. Jie treat me eat mac, but hor, the twister fries out of stk sia. lol... 1st time i wan eat de things, out of stk. but nvm la, dun haf jiu dun haf ^_^

Then we shop arn.. then hor! tis er jie, bluff me. say she wan buy for herself, den kip tel me duno mum wil say her anot, hm so much bear liao stil buy bear.

whn she say wan buy tis bear, i was thinking to myself... she wan buy for me issit?
but then i kip hear her say duno mum will say her anot, which nicer ar. den i ps to ask her, issit for me. lol, if she say no den i ps liao~

on the other hand, i think she noe i like tis bear alot. i 1st time see care bear wif apple pic infront de lo. Since young, i gt watch carebear de cartoon, but i nv haf 1 carebear before. i think tis apple bear is the newer version of carebear bah, i also not sure...

Really happy coz tat smart heart bear is really for me de lor! haha~ yippee!
let me show u my baby S.H (Smart heart) bear... My 1st Carebear
Cutie :D :D :D

1st thing i do when reach hm is to show daddy n mummy my bear bear. Thy say nice!! keke

Then hor, one more funny thing i encounter at arcade...
Abit ps lo... faint... let the picture do the sayings bah~ ma lu sia.... si jie kip laugh at me ;wild


(See how many balls are stuck at the net there? crY!!! sad die me... i throw one den kana stuck, so i tot of throwing another one to make it go dwn, but kana stuck also.. faint sia... in the end.... zao~ pro me =_=")

LAstly, teach er jie do star star...
For a 1st time beginner, she consider above average ler.. nice jie ^_^
(Yellow-Er Jie, Blue-Me)


Have a enjoyable day today, thanks for the bear n those kitty stuffs.
Hope we can go out tgt more often.
Like wat u say, no matter wat happen, rl won't change de. I always believe Er Jie de..

I LOVE EUU. 10:18:00 PM


? Thursday, January 28, 2010

Wed 27 Jan
Went to watch Tooth fairy wif er jie @ amk hub..wow, is really a funny show sia...
We buy bubble tea, di gua inside. lol, shy~~~ i drink champage nia~
Is a nice show ~~!! ppl who haven watch can go watch ya ^_^

Thur 28 Jan
Har ChOooo~ middle of the nite kip sneezing, wake up also kip sneeze. until i reach officce, i think i sneeze n flu until my voicce changeeeee. "sexy voice" ;shy...
lol... den i feel feverish, cough, flu... wah, 1 morning i think i drank at least 2bottles of water.
Feel like dehydrating sia..

Den i think my mood comes again sia.. same old things happen. really ma de. lol, me again.

Oh ya, today morning i ate 1 pkt of vegetarian bee hoon. afternoon i feel very hungry, everytime i flu i feel very hungry. so i ate 1 pkt char kway tiao + papaya. ;shyy.. my coll also shock, i ate so much. den hor, after lunch i go find shifu.
I kip pestering her teach me do the heart shape keychain, coz i promise learn liao gif it to ppl de.. but after several days tries, shifu stil can't get it.... ;sobss.. den i tel shifu i go bugis there buy the sample we saw, den let her go yan jiu.. easier bah...
hmm i shall make my way to illuma one of this days.

den shifu say, she teach me learn other things 1st, so today hor, i learn how to make slipper!
keke, very cute.but dunoo issit becos i sick, i watch her do til i wan fall asleep. last time i wun de. maybe coz of my fever n flu bah~~ meanwhile i suddenly tot dao, oh dear, i forget tel erjie i brb, coz i see the time is like 230-245 le. die, den boss also gt come finance see me learn the things, den i very ps tel boss, wait ar. abit more jiu hao le... den boss laugh n go back to warehse. sobss

go back, i say the wrong things out again, make er jie mood. sigh~ not gu yi de. coz i think she waited very long, den i nv tink properly jiu say out the cannot say word, cry! wo bu shi gu yi de.
Den war start again lo... plus i nv gif in, nv think properly jiu say :( i noe too late oncce words is typed out. Same thing happen again n again. faint. i so pc... go toilet also dun wan look into the mirror, really ma de.
Same pattern, she after awhile as per usual lo, funny like nth happen. **guilty**

i OT til 650pm. den er jie call me, say if by 7 i nv go hm, sat jiu dun go out. i waS like huh!!
faint. den i kj, close all docs, den kip , off switch, close warehse shutter, den go finance rm put key, den faster get out of the building. all happens within 5mins. pro me... faint sia.

Coz i was thinking, wahhhhh tis sat er jie treat me mac fries!! lol, den maybe can eat mint icce cream! lol, duno y i feel so happy whn gt ppl say wan BRING me go. ;shyyyyyyyy, im a baby~
tats wat i think before i reach hm.

But hor, some things happen after i reach hm... no need say, my fault de. is a standard proccedure i think, for me... i really wan bang wall die... duno y
kip repeat n repeat. each time i think im getting more n more worst ... many things i jus shoot out w/o filter. tu xue.. i make her tu xue, wu nai, no comment, mood, everything la... say liao i also feel like slapping myself go die better.

i dun wan to promise or say anything now. cos i noe say no use. action is the most convincing result bah. best part for me now is.. i nv cry now sia, y? coz i nv feel sad abt myself, im feeling anggry abt myself. seriously, if i haf a fren like me, i sure slap tat person to duno where liao, n ask tis idiot fk off the sight off me.
Fortunate is... tis er jie, haven say tat to me.. i feel im now on the dangerous zone liao, which is anytime i will encounter tis? but 2nd tot, i think she... haiz, too kind...

Sian le, i gt many things wan say de... deep down inside, i gt many things wan share de... i gt many stories to tel de... i gt many things wan do de....
Can i still pour things to her? will she stil willing to listen?
Other than her is dajie, omg, tis dajie, i really no comment. lol
i sms her, 2 days she nv reply. den i sms again, finally she reply. but she ok, still bother to reply me. lol, my other fren say she sms or call her, she nv even reply.
Mus i feell phew~ abt tis? i kip laughing at myself. coz sometimes i really feel tired alone...

Maintaining is really hard. Making frenz, knowing frenz is really a very simple job. Most impt is maintain! omg, i think towards passing marks i still got some way to go neh~
Please gif me many chances, best is unlimited chances, gif me ample time to learn n change.
I think looking back the past n the now me, i really gt change, not alot, but abit.
I tried not to haf tat mentality, towards ppl who haf comments abt my character, (take it or leave it)
Last time de me yes, i always tell ppl tis. now no, i take wat ppl say abt me n i wan to change. but i nd help also.. im not god, not robot=Can key in formulae to program...

Interpersonal skills in virtual world, i think i really nd to improve on it. As for rl de me, im least worried abt it. so far, i think i still can handle n maintain r/s wif ppl well in rl speaks. shy ler, see my face so thick, i look back my post i also wan puke~

1140 le, now im feeling so hot, eat med le, temp is 36.9. ;shyyyy
Wan zzzz le.....
mus say ps & wan an to er jie :( coz whn i say to her, she offline. think she nv c bah.
Er jie mai angry or sian le.....
Can i stil haf fries n ice cream on sat mah? /?_?
I LOVE EUU. 11:01:00 PM


? Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Let time prove things out...
i hope my wish can come true...
i wun force, n will jus secretly hoping...
Our life lies in our hand, to go which direction, is it thru the hard way, or thru the easy way? all depends on ownself.

My fav saying: is whether you wan to do it anot. is not whether u can do it anot.
I dun gif my life to fate totally. If we never even attempt to do the things or fight for the things we wan, wats the pt of standing here?
Are we really letting time slipping thru our finger tip w/o realising?

I really missed out alot, neglect alot since the day im devoted/obsessed on something, something, in the end, not really nv let me gain anything. Im contented that i haf gain friendship. I won't wan to be greedy, i got some precious frenz, n i shall not destroy it.
Sometimes self sacrifies is neccessary? is not only for the good for others, mostly i think i, ownself, benefit the most, n learnt the most.

No more forcing, no more quarral? i really hope so.. frm now onwards...
Right now, im writing tis post, wif a very light heart.. perhaps i haf really learnt to see far? perhaps i haf given up? perhaps other reasons?
I think wat i feel now, doesn't really matter.
What matter is the future...

Can i or can we prove the things we do is right? or rather can i prove tat i can really acheive wat i initially wanna to acheive? Personally i really hope so, n i'll nv gif up.
I won't wan to gif up on any of my r/s. Any of my dreams. None at all.
Thats wat i can promise now.. i wun raise white flag easily, i will do it only after i noe tat i haf given my very best n to no avail. I hope the day wun come.

I noe im very very stubborn, but at the same time, i believe my determination is quite strong also.

Lets work hard tgt, fight tgt, play tgt, enjoy tgt for the better us.
Hope i can be my friends de pillar of support always...

**Love~Cherish~Love~Cherish~Love~Cherish~Love~Cherish~Love~Cherish~Love~Cherish~**

I LOVE EUU. 12:21:00 AM


? Monday, January 25, 2010


Life Quote Graphics



Life Quote Graphics



Friendship Glitter Graphics

I LOVE EUU. 8:40:00 AM


?

Before i start writing, jus wan to remind ppl who reading it, i suppose tis blog, is my most rude(full of vulgar) post. if can't take it, plus click close window. ty



hihi, im slpless again...
slp arn 1145pm den wake up at 1am.
now is 145am. n im using my small netbk...
went fb, saw something.

I noe y i can't slp, coz of the same old reason. tiring topic, tiring problems. a problem settle, b comes again. non stop, n kaypoh de me, of coz wan to poke into it lo. haha, n the best part is! not my problem either, i duno y i so concern abt it.. really wtf me

Hmm.. suddenly im stuck, duno wat to write....
Curiousity kills a cat. lol, i think im the cat sia, but im not being kill by others, but by myself... some ppl say me is zi xun fan nao.

Sometime i do de things, in the end, result is not wat i wan to see, can be quite sad de. sometimes things i dun wish to hear, but jus so bu xiao xin, saw ppl toking abt it, i also sian, coz my curiosity engine start, is hard to turn off. Sometimes things which i dun wish to see it, but so lucky, let me see it.
Somethings whn i say out, i also scare ppl wil misunderstood me. coz the way i present to them, maybe tone is not tat appropriate.. if not,, maybe some ppl will think i dislike it, tats y i kip saying/bring it up again.
Seriously, me-janice, not those type of person, eat too full, nth to do, like to care abt ppl so much. frankly im really a very fuck up person... u die is ur problem, i dun really gif a damm... especially to those hi-bye ppl... im dao.. more dao den any other ppl arn me. Frenz used to call me cold-blood. which frankly, i truely agree.
i will only treat those very close to me de gd, the rest all i simply bo chap.

But sad to say tat, sometimes i really feel im not being appreciated by close ones. Which im really sad abt it. of coz sometimes i noe my over concern is turning to be controling ppl life, which i also admit is my fault... i duno how to show my care n concern in a well comfortable manner for both parties...

I feel really bad.. bad towards my family, towards my jie, towards those who love me, those who dotes on me.... bad abt wat? hmmm, how to elaborate ler.....

Family: coz of my personal interest, i haf really neglect them. i m so obsessed into it tat, whn parents go out, i also duno...
Today only me n mum at hm... arn 7, she happily tel me, eat tis for dinner ok? i say okie. den 730 she told me, charity show start le, wan watch mah?
But i nv.. wat m i doing? playing games lor... 9plus she off tv, say she tired, wan go take a nap 1st. Sigh~ i nv pei her watch, i nv pei her eat.. all i do is facing my PC.
In the end is, sis reach hm arn 10-11. eat wif mum. cry!

Jie: my personal interest, affect her alot also i guess. she is always the one kana my arrows, my unreasonable mood swing arrows. wtf me, really cmi sia... Seriously im not a gd mei in audi, in rl, am i a gd mei? im nt sure, but im doing my best to be one...
Again, i kip reminding myself, she really tolerate me alot liao, but i always find things to argue wif her, or make her mood goes bad... really cb, ma de..
semo count to 100 count to 10, i think i count to 1000 also no use. bloody shit me.
whn i wan to find out/say de things, eventually i will shoot out.
i think the counting part for me is to prolong the time for my suay mouth to shoot harsh words out nia ? 'argh.. im so angry wif myself....
Im really not a gd mei in audi.....

Frenz: frenz sms me, again, becoz of my personal interest, i hack care those sms.
i think i will only reply to dajie, erjie, aunty de sms bah... the rest maybe nd to wait till i finish playing or free den will reply?
got one fren, he stil nd to send me 2nd sms ask me since afternoon.. the other one maybe hrs later den i reply. one mayb nxt time whn i scan back my inbox den i saw le den will reply.
wakakkakakakaka. really fuck up liao la...

I really change. now i look back, wat i wrote, i also find myself a really cmi person. who is tis ugly person? seriously now whn i think back all my previous acts, those hurt dao ppl de, those neglect ppl de.. i dun even wan to look into the mirror... im rubbish huh...
y shud i deserve all these nice ppl by my side?

CrY~~~

signing off
J, 230am
I LOVE EUU. 1:37:00 AM


? Sunday, January 24, 2010

wake up arn 10 plus today.
den feel very sian AGAIN... sian abt ...........,? sian sian sian
These few days so weird, ppl who seldom contact me de, suddenly all surface up.

Got rachel, she ask me next wk mit up? i ask her whn? go where? wif who? (she haven reply me).

Got Nicholas. He MIA for 1mth, since last monthn say wan mit til now, 1mth plus 2 mths,ytd he sms me. But for me, i feel abit tired wif tis type of ppl. I dun like to kip contacting a person, when i feel tat the other party, is like fu yan me only.
He ask me gt miss him? i say ya. den he say wat ya, nth to tok to me?
i reply: wat u wan to tok abt?. den he abit sian den tel me: duno le, nvm u go do ur things.
Den i reply. everytime is i ask u den u reply.u nv ask me. u duno wat to tok to me, wat can i say?
he: aiyo, dun angry kk
me:ok

PS: towards him, i think i nv wan to bother so much. Now is he ask me things den i reply. he nv ask, i wun take initiative to contact him. since in the 1st place is he make our gaps apart, im human gt feelings also, n i dun like ppl to gif me tis type of cold feel, sooner or later i will move away. n for me, whn the feeling of closeness is gone, is quite hard for me to find the feel back again... Seriously, he is 1 of the case, n i dun wish there is anymore tis type of person letting me feel it again... I dun like to haf the feeling tat im disturbing~

Got william. i went out wif him once, n i think i dun wan to mit him le. jus dun feel like... coz 1st impression bah. he sms me ytd. after i think 1-2mths MIA also. lol. for this person, not he mia frm me. is i mia frm him. he kip ask me out, whn free, etc. but i kip reject. till now i also reject.

Sian de... now i think i jus wan faster mth end, den someone can bring me go out eat liao ;WILD
no money tis person dun like to go out de. i tel tis person: i go out also nv ask u pay.
but tis person say cannot~ =_= stubborn...

I dun like to ji jiao wif u abt money matters. Coz to me, eat, go out, how much will it cost? thousands? at the most $50-100 nia mah. n if i ask u to go out, in the 1st place, i nv even think of waiting for u pay to for it.... if i no money i will say de, but now i gt extra de, is the after save money.... n i jus wan ask u pei me go out, also cannot mah?
if i really mind abt money so much, i can jus go out wif those guys n get wat i wan, without me paying a single cent liao~ y i kip call u =_=

I duno alsO~ maybe i selfish bah, nv think of others again... but i noe i can't force also,i dun wan make it in the end is like,after being force den go out lor....

Sometimes jes also like tat. i ask her pei me go out shop, she jus say: shop simi, no money go out also sian. den i say, u pei me go out can anot, i wan buy things, n i gt money, wat u wan buy tel me, i pay for u la. but she insist mai.. den i thinking, not everytime nd to spend money also, window shop also can de... if for eat, no nd to say also, how much can we eat sia.. sian de

sigh~ sometimes i understand, sometimes i dun.
I only wan to find someone whom im comfortable wif, go out wif me, bu ke yi mah? need to be also so xin ku mah (-_-.)
I LOVE EUU. 5:08:00 PM


?

Sat 23/Jan

Grandparents death anniversay coming soon. Uncles, aunties they all are holding a ritual type of thing for them, they so call "Gong de" Exactly wat does it mean i duno. but there are big hse, maids, luxurious car, many many....

Woke up arn 630am. den go out arn 7plus. Thy say the prayer started at 830. But.... in the end 11plus den start! =_=

Go there le, whn thy say nv start so early i wan faint diao.. hai me wake up so early. zzzz
den i started to feel pc. coz im hungry!
previous nite no appetite eat, in the end haf a maggiee mee at 645pm. den whole nite nv eat liao.
Den went coffee shop eat. wah, i ate alot for breakfast. ;shy
i ate 1/2 plate of carrot cake, den 1 egg de prata plus coffee. wah sey. ;shy si wo

Ok, i feel very sian now, dun wan be soo long winded le. I shall just extract the funny part.

In total, whole day i think gt 4-5 prayers nd to attend. each last AT LEAST 1hour. LONGEST is 2hrs. omg sia. 1st prayer we all stil ok, can tahan.
den 2nd one, i rmb clearly last arn 2hrs, tis session de prayer, funny things happen.
We in total gt 25ppl seating there, each of us hand holding 1 joss-stick.

Infront of me is my xiao gu zhang(smallest aunt's hubby). suddenly i see him bend down pick up somethings, den i see again, oh~ he drop his joss-stick, coz he fallen asleep.
Not long after him, is the one sitting beside me, which is my cousin(jo). her joss-stick drop, den i see it drop i immediate look at her 0_0. she suddnely wake up n pick up den turn to look at me n laugh. Den she kip say, did u see it? did u see it?
i say of coz lar! so obvious, u slp until ur head kip nods, den ur joss-stick drop. ~_~"
den she say, hahahaa, okok, wake up liao la, scare dao liao.. i was like ;diao

Den soon after my cousin,is my big uncle de wife. Hers is more pro, coz y. coz everyone knows. Why everyone noes? coz whn she drop, she faster pickup, den she ps say out herself quite loud actually. she say: i listen till fall asleep leh... den all my uncles n aunties all turn to look at her n laugh.

Actually i almost wan doze off many times de, during tis 2hrs. really can faint sia. den after seeing tis 3 cases, i suddenly laugh to myself, coz suddenly i think tat im so clever, i tot of a way, how to not let the joss stick drop off my hand, if asleep.

Solution is~ ta da~!!!
Pro me rite.. ;shy~
i create dis liao, jes sitting beside me, i show her. n she gif me the -_-"(wu nai) face.
;shy i noe i pro, but it really wun drop ma.
After the prayer, i happily take one joss-stick go tell mummy n daddy, den mum say: u really ar, think of tis u very clever huh, den dad see le also laugh.
;shy ;shy
ok end of praising myself. ;shy
Whole thing end arn 11plus. Need to burn those offerings etc, tidy up the place..
reach hm arn 12am le. eat, bath, rest dao lai arn 1am then slp.
No more engery to go audi also. lay on bed n jus ;zzz

I LOVE EUU. 4:22:00 PM


? Friday, January 22, 2010

Reach hm arn 645pm.
Bath, eat le jiu straight go lay on bed.
Today i gt a very weird n sad feel.
1st time i feel tis.... i think all this outcome, im the main cause.

Jie hao xin share her things wif me, but i nv control my temper n shoot her again... everything is alright until my attitude. :( say finish liao awhile, we go back to normal.
But the more we tok, the more i feel fishy.

Haix. i also duno how to say... Suddnely i feel, jie not gg to care abt me more le mah?
last time de jie will pei me when she noe im alone. will bring me go eat whn i say im hungry.
I noe she no mood also, she explain to me le, i understand also, i think mostly is me again.
She always dote on me alot, i noe de.

Reach hm, dad n mum ask, i tot u say u wan buy mac? i say no ar, dun wan buy le, $6 ex. dad stil say i go buy for u? treat u k?
i say nvm ar, i nt hungry, dun waste ler...
Den i ask mum cook maggiee for me. coz jie kip remind me to haf dinner, so i mus eat. if not nxt time i ssay de things she dun wan to listen liao...

Den i go bath, mum pei me at kitchen eat. Mum suddnely ask me: u quarral wif ur er jie ar?
i say: no ar... then mum say orh ok.
all the while she pei me sit at the kitchen there eat. i nv tel her anything.
So back to jus now say de, after eat le, help dad fix hp de earpiece, then i go buried my head under the pillow.
Think of it, my tears auto drop.
Den i pretend to be slping.. i hear dad ask mum: nu er so early go slp ar?
Mum say duno ler...

:( soon i wil be ok de. coz er jie say whn take pay le jiu bring me go eat steamboat nxt wk. i believe she will bring me go de...
i hope jie Don't ignore me jiu hao le...
ahhhh, now my tears drop like down like hell, i wan go lay on bed le, in case mum saw...

Love all~
J

I LOVE EUU. 8:06:00 PM


?

jus now 10plus went to lie on bed... been thru some....~ fall asleep arn 11plus.
Now im awake, n initially i tot i haf slpt very long ler, but no... whn i look into the time, is 1255am.
only 1hr plus had past.. y i seems like im haf slp very long le, now im so awake...
jus feel my eyes very "tiring" only, mind is so awake...
WAn to send msg to ppl de, but scare disturb dao, so i go on jes lappy n here i am, writing blog.

Audi really tempt me alot...
im very happy to see my own char. audi used to bring me many laughter, make me happy n i noe alot of frenz frm audi.. but now, i can't find the feel anymore... no more ler...

recently i say alot of sorry. which i really dun like to say out, especially to someone close.
i dun rmb saying sry to my parents/sis for the past 1/2 yr? even i do anything wrong, i also nv say. Sorry this word is something very impt n seldom will shoot out, especialy frm my mouth.
Except for this incident, really mus gathered some courage den sincerely apologise to her. n im really happy, tat i actually done it. Theres a song called "Sorry seems to be the hardest word"

today, I told my pig, we are drifting further apart.. (of coz something happen again, den i will say out tis de) All the while, i really cherish tis pig alot de.
Seriously, since the day i noe tis pig, til now, i nv change abit of my 'cherish'. even though, some times, i was being hurt? i also nv angry wif pig b4.
Feel toward pig is either sad or happy. No anger.
Today de thing, or last time de thing, or wateva happen before de thing, i dun wan to really say is whoes fault. but for tat invading pig personal privacy, i mus say, is all my fault.

Tears, i think tears is my best fren liao, kip appearing before me de~ last time smile is my best fren, but now tears has taken over smile position.
I wan to find back my bestie=smile.
I don't wan to lose anything=my family, my sis,my pig, my smile.
Can i have them all forever with me?

Pig say i lazy nv post blog... i wanting to tel pig, if u go read back all my 200+ plus i think more than 50% of my post is sad de.
Mainly i do blogging coz i haf things i wan to tel out, but i can't really do infront of ppl, coz i m those type who wun easily let ppl see my ;sob and i dun anyhow tel anyone.
Im not like other ppl, their diary is always happy occasion de, mine is abit more of my inner self.?
If not my blog title wun put Other Side of ^me.
wat i wrote here, tone, words, descriptions, is quite diff frm rl me.
Diff in the way tat, im not those who can express well in my speech, rl me i may seems to be a bo chap person, but actually im not.
Everything i will be concern..

Jes quite concern abt me tis time, although she duno wat happen, but she stil console me... last time whn she see i ;sob, she will not say anything to console me or wat de... Funny today, i play until my tears drop, den jes come on lappy, prepare for compy, she see my side view, ask me wat happen. i say nth wor.
then she stretch her head infront of me(block dao mine pc screen) n see my face den she ask me again, jie wat happen ar.
Lol, i see her face i also wan laugh, den i tel her, bu yao chao wo(do not disturb me).

i think i wan say de things, i told pig today le.. hope pig really understand wat i trying to say, n how i feel. Same.. no matter wat, i wun leave u alone de, last time i wun, now i wun, future also wun. Hope u can help to pull me~ dun do things which always push me furtherrrr ler hao ma

**wink wink** ^_^ ;mua
I LOVE EUU. 12:57:00 AM


? Monday, January 18, 2010

duno y my tears kip falling ler... especially whn the more she dun take it to heart, the more i feel bad...
i think jes saw i cry today le, coz she say tmr she gg tell mum story ler... i nv say a single thing to her either.... sigh~ i also duno wat she gonna say...
Tears auto will flow out now, now writng blog, think of it, my tap auto on again...
Jus now playing games, al the while im there, sometimes misses alot, as now im trying not to use H le..
i wan to train my skills, but simple 100~ I also misses alot.
actually im jus a empty shell having those high lvl.

Whn jie ask me mai talk? i wan to tok de, but i duno wat to tok... all in my mind is sry...
i think tis is the 1st time i feel super guilty n bad towards her... in the past i dun haf tis feeling before... i wan ask her abt her outing today de, coz i wan to noe everything abt her... but tis time i dun dare, even though i so dying to noe(kaypoh) how issit liao...

Im really uselesss ler... do wrong things stil dare to cry so much... i dun expect ppl come console me or wat, some things i said to her now, i dun mean to say tat either.. whn she ask me seriously wan take back my words mah, i really stun there, i duno how to reply.. coz deep in my heart, tats not wat i wan de ending...
I rather she blame me or scold me rather den taking nth has happen before... Now i m very very guilty towards her...
We stil haf some places haven go tgt de.. but after tis incident, i feel so bad, to appear infront of her...
;sobss... im so afraid later i cry infront of her...

aunty always ask me dun think so much, but i really can't forgive myself tis time...
ahhhh.... im feeling so sad n sick ler, today diarhhea 3 times, kip cry... :( i dun feel like gg to work also, i jus wan my bed n pillow to cover my head... im so lousy tis time...

Last time my beloved grandma die, i nv cry at all, although im quite close to her. Everyone cry till very cham, even those normally very strong de uncles also cried...
1st time break up wif my ex, i also cried a few days jiu hao le....
this time rd, i duno y my tears got so much to flow out ler... non-stop de

This time, I really lose to emotions le....
2am le, n i dun feel slpy at all... ahhhh, hope my eyes dun be swollen tmr...

***************Loving_Cherish_Guilty_Sorry***********************************
I LOVE EUU. 1:13:00 AM


? Sunday, January 17, 2010

......
is all my fault ler....
Tis time i really gone too far ....
Wats more can i do....

I always tot i do things is gd for others, but i failed to stand in ppl shoe n understand more how thy feel... sobsss
i hurt dao ppl liao
Very veryVery veryVery veryVery veryVery veryVery veryVery veryVery veryVery veryVery veryVery veryVery veryVery veryVery veryVery veryVery veryVery veryVery very Sorry...

I dun expect tis person to accept my apology, jus wan to let tis person noe, im really sorry.
I LOVE EUU. 4:36:00 PM


?

Recently i feel tat i like to blog more frequently....
ppl who noe me well shud noe y...

Ytd can't slp again... all is becoz of my own doings, i saw things which doesn't mean for my eyes or rather is better not to noe at all... last time i see the clock before i close my eyes n slp is 330am.

Today wake up arn 10plus.. but i dun feel like getting up, coz i gt nth in mind i wish to do... so i lay on bed til 11plus almost 12pm. omg, 1 hr laying on bed...
During tis 1hr, my stupid brain start thinking again~ y mus i feeling so xin ku, where is the root of problem. actually i noe wats the problem, but i jus refuse to accept it, stubborn me huh.

Many things i noe how to say, but whn it comes to action, i simply can't do it, lousy me...
Wake up, 1st thing,i on my PC. Go to add/remove programs, den i click remove auditionsea.
Next i go to every drive, search for audition folder, and delete everything. all screenshots everything everything....
Of coz i feel really bad, oh man, i siao dao go delete away something which is impt to me huh...
Next i go browse thru all other folders, n delete away those unwanted de.. den i go defrag the whole c:/ drive.

After defragment, idiot me go explorer, auditionsea website, n dl back the program.. now is 51%, n im still waiting...
My emotion has over taken my mind. tats y i haf such action.

Whn i told sis i delete audi le, she was shock.. seldom do i will do something stupid for some stupid reasons.
I seldom feel so wu nai de~ tis feeling really made me feel so breakdown... i dun like to gif up easily, but y problems n problems kip hindering me..

I think my limit is up to the max... i dun wish to let tis problem persist me in the future anymore... hope soon it is coming to an end...

Im the type of person who likes to haf a runaway tots.. which is not gd, i noe.. FOr me is, out of sight, out of mind mentality.
Ok, tats all for it.. enuff is enuff... Everything shall go back to normal..

Hmmm... i miss my drinking n clubbing kakis so much...
i miss pouring my tots to my 2 sis so much...
One of them, we will easily haf conflict, i wan pour to her de... but im scare...
For d other one, im not worried having conflicts wif her at all, but... is hard to arrange for mit up.
i love n cherish both of them alot, even my own sis also say, i really treat them as my own sisters.. i say ya, i really do...

1 is hard to arrange for mit up. 1 is scare of conflicts. oh... i misses my 2 soulmates so much... Who else can i find now? only my blog... sad rite. Blog, blog blog. im actually pouring to a blog; a dead thing, somthing i can't get any advice or reply from... haha! so funny sia, blog...
I LOVE EUU. 2:23:00 PM


?

i have done something very bad jus now...
i noe wat i haf done is wrong n rather is really wrong to do tat, n im really sry abt my action,
jus some feels suddenly arose n make me go do it...

I tot i haf changed the situation, or rather the __ has been changed becoz of me.. but i was wrong, i think i was totally wrong...
after encounter so many many.... i really tot is coz of me, but in the end, is not.. not me at all...
im really sad n disappointed... time after time, i dun wish to repeat anymore....

Shud i let go? shud i not?
i think is really time for me to let go... Once i let go, i wun hold back anymore...
I noe i will be very sad for quite some times... coz i really put in alot....
Seriously~ all tis while, im really being too tian zhen... think too highly of myself, coz i always tot i very wei da, wah can change __ sia... BUT, it was not at all...
I dun understand y m i always the one been kip in the dark... im being frank to ppl, but y ppl can't do the same to me? i really dislike, really really dun wan...
the whole ___ change not becoz of me.. but is becos of other ppl...

Sigh~ im really really sad tis time.... im really scare tis time ler....
I LOVE EUU. 2:00:00 AM


?

wah, jus finish playing audi... write post le i wan go ;zzz
parents 7plus go out left me alone at hm..
so sian le, i go do my thing liao den go fb play.
surprise to see demz online fb playing poker... coz i nth to do, so tot of gg poker see see.
den i online my fb chat. saw my working coll.
She say very long nv see me online fb, i told her i almost everyday will online fb see, jus tat i appear offline nia.. Chat awhile den aunty jiu come in pm me.

Lol, surprise to see her also... initially i nv tot of gg audi play de, coz wkend mah, try not to, if not conflict again jiu sad liao... den i saw aunty, ask me not audi ar.. lol..

(today gt 3ppl ask me same thing.. no audi ar...
1st one is my fren: he say recently at nite, i reply his sms very fast, den he curious i not playing audi recently? coz last time nite time, i cfm will play, den whn i play, i will reply very slow, sometimes forget to reply also..lol
2nd is tkp(audi fren): saw him at fb poker, 1st thing he also ask me, not playing audi?
3rd is aunty: not audi lolz?

wakakaka... suddenly i ask myself, y no audi? i also duno..
i think i like rl better.. now we maintain a good rl r/s liao, so i jiu try to avoid letting audi make the r/s get worse..

den jus now i go audi wif aunty, play wif her.. before login i remind myself, today is wkend..
but surprise to see my pig nv online, i tot she appear offline, so sms her.
in the end she tel me she nv online at tat time or rather jus log out not long.

today... i think i seldom haf tis feel de... login audi happily, n logging out happily...
But of coz i wun take things for granted, to me, got is a bonus, dun haf jiu dun haf lor, dun take it too hard to heart.

WAkakaka, funny sia, my jie gg mm soon... cute de, i hope she can expose more to outside, mit up wif more new frenz... i sense tat she is really stress, but is norm bah~ lols, she mus be kip thinking of many many reasons to avoid tis meet out bah~ wakakakaka
Hope her outing will be a enjoyable one...
I LOVE EUU. 1:20:00 AM


? Saturday, January 16, 2010

Frm morning till now i haven online play audi yet...
Wake up at 10plus 11, watch tv till now...
Meanwhile clearing my fren list at tagged, friendster, msn... Suddenly delete many "strangers" le...
Also clearing un-used programs at my desktop.... now abit better, more memory...

Sian le~ stomach whole day feel so uneasy...
Wanted to go library today de, but so lazy ler.. lol, but is ok, at least something is acomplished today...

Later at nite, sis n parents not at hm, im alone again ler~
Sigh~ shall find things to occupy myself liao.... :(

Ahhh~ so slpy now, later finish watching Ch 8 show, wan go nap nap liao~
Shall conti blog again...~~~

I LOVE EUU. 5:08:00 PM


? Friday, January 15, 2010

Today i on leave.. Clearing leave slowly, stil gt left 4.5days by end of march nd clear.
I also duno whn to clear lor.. :( clear le, stay at hm also sian, like abit wasted...

Today wif jes, mit Erjie n aunty for lunch at shenton side.
i think is my 1st time go shenton way there eat sia.. aunty recommend de prawn noodle, very nice.. plus rojak, fruits, NICE!! Ty aunty for the treat.

After lunch, me, jie, sis go suntec shop shop.
Den we saw the fountain of wealth gt ppl, den we 3 "mountain turtle" nv go before, go try.

Keke, the water very cooling, den make wish also...



Shop arn Suntec til 4plus, sis go mit bf, me n jie go Jurong.
Wee! gg there for Omni Theatre de Under The Sea...
Wah, i super long nv go omni theatre liao, plus is my fav underwater scene.
Show starts at 8pm. Duration 40mins.
Keke, after watching, so happy, is really a nice show!!!!
Reach hm arn 10plus.
Im very happy today ~
Meet up wif aunty n jie.
Go omni theatre watch my fav underwater show.
1st time go fountain of wealth make wish.
Last but not least, my dear jie took 1/2 day leave pei me. I noe she seldom take 1/2 day leave de, unless for her mum. But tis time she took to pei me go out, i really appreciate alot..
Ty Jie, ty aunty
Muacks!



I LOVE EUU. 10:46:00 PM


? Sunday, January 10, 2010


My Beloved Sisters



I LOVE EUU. 1:55:00 PM


?

(-_-.) today i wake up at 6plus morning, got a scary nitemare~~ cry~
Dream of tua ya pek (2nd de, black de 大二伯爺) come scare me...
In my dream, he kip following me, let me hear all wuu wuu sound, den whn i slp in bed, i open my eyes will saw him... cry!

Best part is, whn i was looking at the mirror, suddenly he appear behind me... cry!!!!!!!
Scare si wo...
Den i scare until i cannot breath, den i say prayer, the nan mo guan shi yin prayer觀音... >.<"
Whn i start saying in my heart, i hear the rooster calling~ Is morning liao~~~
Haiz, i scare dao jump out of bed wan call sis up de, i scare she smack me, den i wan run to mummy rm call her de, but in the end....i go msg er jie. den surprise she reply me sia <3

So Scary~ scary~ scary~~~~ sobsss

I LOVE EUU. 1:37:00 PM


? Saturday, January 9, 2010

Wow~ i think i really siao liao...
1st time play audi til 5am.
Pengzz....

Sian le... morning liao, time for me go zzz.... wat time will i wake up tmr le... wat shud i do tmr le.... omg omg...


I LOVE EUU. 5:04:00 AM


? Friday, January 8, 2010

Today i on leave.. 10plus 11 wake up..
Straight away walk to living rm say: Mummy, where u wan to go today? u wan go anywhere mah? i on leave lei~
Mum: Er... no where, no place to go also, stay at hm lo...
me: har~~~~ hmmm.... stay at hm huh, er... lets go buy 4D?
Mum: u go urself la, i tired...
Me: semo wor... go myself, mai la, u pei me go leh...
Mum: orh ok lor

After tis i go wash up ;shy.. den mum suddenly say, aunt kip say u promise her wan go eat the jap food at northpt wif her, but u nv.
Me: oh ya hor~ so many mths liao, haven bring her go... Wee!!! den we go lo!! haha, i bring u go shopping!
Mum: i no money leh...
Me: wkakakaa, ur nu er got bonus, gt extra cash, can bring u go shop n eat liao.. u can dun bring money out, bring ezlink n ic jiu hao.
Mum: Hahahaa, i dun dare dun bring money out, lata u no money pay..
Me:.......

Today i spend arn $100.
Buy mummy a top.
Buy korean tibits. Almost pay double the price, lucky mummy saw they key wrongly, den buy extra wan let ppl try de, but think now can eat myself liao...
Spin 2 toy, not hello kitty de.. (omg, recently siao wif spin toy toy liao sobx)
Eat, drink, etc...

Mummy very happy, come hm she wan return me $$ but i mai... buy for her cny de. den dad come hm, she tel dad i buy clothes for her..

Now is 1230am.. omg shit, i can stone n look at tis blog for 1hr, w/o writing alot. ma de. Over at lappy is audi stoning in aunty rm.. ;wild
mai write liao...

Overall im very happy, can go out wif mummy, buy things for her, eat, drink, shop. Den come hm arn 10, go compy, den after tat afk go fb save all the audi pics out, den after tat hmmm.....

I LOVE EUU. 11:22:00 PM


?

7 January (Thursday)
Suntec,Marina,Flyer

Wee! Wee!!

Finally i get to take pic wif er jie liao...
After 4mths.. finally i get to take picture wif her! Fulfil my wish liao, keke. happy happy :D
Initially ask her, she kip mai, den abit sian, den i kip ask til abit argue.. Then i think, nvm, stil got chance.. i thinking if normal go out days nv take, den i wait till either her bdae in May or mine in July den take de chance to ask her take pic.
She seldom take pic de, so i understand lo...

Today in office she ask me gt bring cam mah. den i told her no, bring for wat.
then she ask wan take pic mah.. wah, i see liao shock dao.. lols, yeah! can take liao..wakakkakakaa!!

Today after work mit jie, jade, tomo, yun. First time meeting tomo n yun. keke, thy 2 very friendly n cute dee.. haha~ but thy say i quiet neh~ i noe im quiet, maybe not familiar bah~;shy sometimes i see who is tat person de... not really tat i go out many times jiu will tok alot... im choosy huh ;shy

Then proceed to flyer there eat the popeye chicken.. quite nice. First time eat tat.

Today 1st time call her jie. I also duno y i suddenly go call her instead of go infront of her tel her things.(go out wif her so many times, today 1st time call her). She was walking infront of me, den i suddenly gt things wan share wif her, den i call her jie.. den she nv turn back, i kip call, i think gt at least 4-5times, den she turn back reply me sia.. faint.. at tat pt i called 2nd or 3rd time she nv reply me, i was liek er..... orh ok :(
But whn she finally turn arn ans me, suddenly feel relieve sia... ma de, scare dao wo... tot she dun reg me liao...

Actually tonite i wan go out de, coz tmr no work. But no one ler, jie gt things on, den i so sot dao, i go sms rachel. She is my drinking n singing kakis. i sms her but she nv reply. wan called her de whn we are on our way to take train. but 2nd tot, nvm bah~ fated, she nv reply me, maybe ask me dun go drink bah~
Den whn i online fb jus now, she send me msg say her hp forget to take out today. faintz.. so zun de! den she ask me nxt wk whn free mit out... hmmm... seee if i can try to drag dajie out anot... i stil haven gif her the gift lo.
Msg dajie 2nd day liao, whn she free, but she haven reply... nvm, shall ask again nxt wk le..

nv go also gd, can play audi wif jie, den now i writing blog 2am liao.. lol... healthy lifestyle again..

Wan go 2times millenia walk, but failed sia.. lol.. not disappointed actually, coz i jus wan go candy empire buy a mashmallow thing... jes tat time kip buy hm for us to eat, cost i forget liao.. but not cheap also... suddnely think of tat, den i wan buy for jes n jie eat.
Duno jie gt eat before anot, but i seldom eat mashmallow de, i quite like it. wan let her try.
For jes, i very long nv see her buy hm eat liao, last time she love it de, kip buy...

Oh, upcoming is a long weekend for me.. keke, tmr on leave. wan to go out, but again.. no ppl sia... jiu ming~ tmr is jie's mum bday, keke, wish her mummy happy bday, healthy, cheerful, wealthy!

i wan to make full use of my long weekend, other than audi. wakakkakakaka..

i got photos liao!! wee wee!!!
Wif dajie, noe her 3yrs, individual pic wif her i think only 4. omg la, so little, laugh die ppl sia... but is ok, better than none.
Wif erjie, noe her less than a yr, individual pic wif her so far is 1. today take de!!! hope to have more in the upcoming years ahead...
Wif xiaomei, lol, countless liao... keke My cutey xiaomei

To others, maybe taking photo wif ppl u wan is jus a easy task. but to me, wah sey, abit hard. personally other than jes, i seldom take pic wif ppl. But for my 2 elder jie, i wan take wif them, can kip it for memory.. keke.. omg, so happy.. today remind me of last time., whn dajie took pic wif me.. lol, i also happy for very long... wakakakakkaaka =x

Today i got mint ice cream, got take photo, got to see flyer(but nv take) in close range, gt a ice cream keychain(exactly de same i buy for sis) frm jade, 1st time eat popeye chicken.

---------------------------------------Yippeeeeee--------------------------------------------
I LOVE EUU. 1:27:00 AM


? Wednesday, January 6, 2010

after today's incident, i also gt wrong... very sad also.. i wun wan to quarral de...
After Toking wif aunty, frm the chat, really, there are some blind spots, i nv notice.
Especially to her, sometimes i really go too far le bah~

everytime she has to gif in to my unreasonable, weird, wateva shit attitude i gif her... seriously beside my family, she is the nxt one who is so tolerant towards me.
But sometimes i jus take her for granted without realisation..

More freedom, more respect, more consideration? i think tis is all i lack to gif her... i may haf given or share wif her many new things in life but i feel tats not enuff huh...

I think part of my "bad" attitude towards her like tis, maybe coz im too protective towards her huh.. i really duno y~ i jus noe, i treat her is like treating my own sis, Own family...
I really duno wats her feel, will she feel stress? defensive?

Ahhhhh~ how le, i really duno~ i jus wan we all can happily- play tgt, go out tgt, tok tgt.. tats all... i really dun like arguements, quarrals, watever.. coz to me, once the thing is broken, no matter how hard we fix, there will stil be scar... forgive n forget? forgive but nv forget? which one is me?
i believe both of us is the same... we hold back our temper alot le huh... lol, of so many ppl, towards her, i really hold back my temper alot, i think i nv show her my temper before? (in rl). Even in audi, we kip having conflicts, but whn comes to rl mit, i nv wan to bring the topic out to say also.. hmm, i stil like the rl her.

Sometimes i really feel very xinku, kip sad de...
i think both of us feel the same thing also... she is those type who seldom wan to voice out, unlike me... at least i gt blog to pour, she got who? me? lol, but if she quarral wif me, i dun think she will pour to me so much bah~ her forgiving level is really high de~ unlike me :(
but so far, i very direct n frank to her. i can feel she is also bah, towards me... but if my feel is inaccurate, i hope she will bah~

Sometimes she say she feel guilty towards me, always make me sad... is the truth she is always the reason tat make me sad, but seriously i nv blame her at all, coz i understand, i also play a part in it. Everything takes 2 hands to clap..

cry! wat happen to me ler.... im sooooo.. haiz no words can describe me liao... im so bad but yet so fortunate got her... cry~!! i tot baddie will haf no gd end, why i got nice ppl arn me, doting me so much?

I really love tis jie de, as much as i love my family... sobss* i nd to reflect again~ i shall improve
I LOVE EUU. 1:32:00 AM


? Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Jus woke up.. later 10am then start work.
Ytd gt stktake at ION PB, 1plus den reach hm... ~_~ shorthanded... mostly is backend staff doing the work..
On the way back, a malay taxi uncle kip tok to me.. he complain to me no sales de, he ask me many things, i work where, go watch movie ar yso late, etc etc...
I think my whole journey back hm, he kip chat wif me sia... ;shy

Stktake:After lunch 2pm go there do til 7plus 8 den go for dinner..

Dinner time, we n finance grp, total 8ppl thinking wat to haf for dinner. then boss say either crystal jade or kfc. keke, kfc neh~ wee! i wan kfc... then i tel sl can i dun go crystal jade mah, ex de, most impt is i haf craving for chicken!
But some finance ppl dun like kfc.. so sl say she pei me eat kfc lo, in the end, i go tel boss i wan eat kfc, u all go ahead n eat crystal jade, den boss say okie~ then she bring the whole grp go kfc. i was like huh! (@_@) ;shy
Thy all say nvm ar, eat kfc jiu kfc lo.. then all turn arn look at me say xiaomei like to eat fast food mah~

After dinner, WEnt to shop awhile, i wan to find a small pouch which can put 3-4 cards n some cash, but hard sia.. went to coarch *coach*, burberry, braun buffel, kate spade, Taka, also dun haf the one i wan sia.. -_-
Tat time saw de is braun buffel $60+, but tat time no spare cash,Now i gt money to buy le, but no more liao (-_-.) Sigh~ nvm, slowly find again

1st time i do stktake do until i feel very tired, while scanning, i feel my hand so suan ler.. 1st time i call jiu ming~ coz scan til halfway hard to stop, if not will forget which pcs le, many times i jus hang my hand arn the shelf, den rest. argh*

This morning wake up vomit.. lol, but nth come out, jus all those liquid... Den now my stomach very pain. maybe ytd the kfc chicken too spicy liao, buay tahan.
Duno y i kip haf a uneasy feeling since morning wake up... ;pray nth happen ler~
Most impt is dun quarral wif ppl, i very happy liao =x

9 le, time go prepare for work...
***************************zoom********************************************
I LOVE EUU. 8:33:00 AM







~=~= Cherish =~=~





Links
Jstyle Fashion


Previous Post
  • Homely day
  • Korean Makeup
  • 算命 fortune telling
  • Sick~
  • 3 Girls nite out
  • Wondering
  • Many feelings today
  • AMeiZing
  • New Start ! 2013
  • 1st month break up

  • Archives
    July 2007
    August 2007
    September 2007
    October 2007
    November 2007
    December 2007
    January 2008
    February 2008
    March 2008
    April 2008
    May 2008
    June 2008
    August 2008
    September 2008
    October 2008
    November 2008
    January 2009
    March 2009
    June 2009
    July 2009
    September 2009
    October 2009
    November 2009
    December 2009
    January 2010
    February 2010
    March 2010
    April 2010
    May 2010
    June 2010
    May 2011
    September 2011
    January 2013
    February 2013